Mandi and Goliath

It’s been a tough couple of weeks here at the Deputy household.  Wait, strike that.  It’s been a very tough couple of months here.  There is something about blogging when you feel as though the world is crumbling at your feet.  You just don’t have it in you to put on that happy face you know others are expecting.  You don’t want to go into your troubles because, quite frankly, you don’t want to come across as weak or be thought of as a downer.  People don’t come back to blogs if they feel like the Emotional Monster has come to claim their soul.  Nope.  So I’ve somewhat tried to deal with my trials as best I can on my own (with hints on FB just becuase I’ve needed to get it out every now and again)  I give facts of our situation to people who ask, but very few have seen me as raw as I feel.

I’ve come to realize that while many people are struggling right now in many areas of their lives (in much more serious ways than I am) that I can’t compare what I am going through to them.  It just isn’t the same.  We’re different people that are wired differently so even if we have the exact same struggle, we still won’t be able to know how each other is feeling. But we can listen and be there for each other.  Let the tears come and accept one another as we are.  Sometimes words aren’t necessary (sometimes they do more harm) but a hug, a smile, and a gentle nod of the head letting someone know you are there is all it takes to keep a troubled soul in the fighting ring rather than throwing in the towel.  I can say that right now I am doing the best that I can.  Not as well as some would like me to be doing, but I feel like I’m doing okay.   And you know what gets me through?  My family.  My friends.  My *true* friends who can listen to my hurt without turning it around and making it about them so that I have one more thing to stress about.  Prayer.  Mine, my family’s, people who know us and love us, and those from complete strangers.    There is one set of footprints in the sand right now, and I am so very grateful for that other pair.

Thank you.  For your thoughts, your messages, your prayers, and your strength because all too often it is YOUR strength that I feed off of.  I have just been in too dark a place to be able to find my own.  I hope that things continue to get better here and that I will find peace again.  “cause the pain you’ve been feeling, can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.”  I just have to try to hold on for a little while longer.

13 comments on “Mandi and Goliath

  1. Andrea Barton March 10, 2011 5:52 PM

    Hey, I love you, and Greg too but not in your way. Hang in there.

    • mandi March 10, 2011 7:43 PM

      thank you Andrea. :)

  2. Susan March 10, 2011 6:30 PM

    I am here for you… I’m trying not to pry, but it’s not that I’m not interested. I figure you will talk when you need to. Just know we love you and will support you. AND, know that in the end, it WILL be OK… even if you don’t feel that way now.
    I love you.

    • mandi March 10, 2011 7:44 PM

      I know you are there Susan. You’re right, I will talk about it all when I am up to it. It’s all very fresh and raw right now though. I am so happy that you are there! It is a great comfort.

  3. Serena Moeller March 10, 2011 8:09 PM

    I love you and the whole Deputy family! Lots of prayers love and from the miles a shoulder when you need it. I am always here for you love! No matter what!

    • mandi March 11, 2011 12:33 AM

      Thank you Serena!

  4. Colleen March 14, 2011 6:40 AM

    You know that love from Colorado is always flowing to you guys. We love you!

    • Mandi March 14, 2011 3:09 PM

      Thank you so much Colleen!

  5. Arienne March 18, 2011 2:37 PM

    Thank heavens for that one set of footprints in the sand. Seriously! How would you get through this huge trial without His help? I wish I could wipe it all away for you and your great family but instead you’ll just be in our prayers. Hang in there…

    • Mandi March 18, 2011 8:20 PM

      Arienne, I wish you could take it all away too. I would SO let you! I truly appreciate the prayers though. They are what keep me going right now. I miss you.

  6. Kate March 19, 2011 5:54 PM

    Tears. Sending hugs ~ I hear ya Sister!

    • Mandi March 19, 2011 6:33 PM

      Kate, I know you know the dark place I speak of. Hugs to you as well!

      • Kate April 1, 2011 5:01 AM

        Hey Woman! I may not be on FB right now but that doesn’t mean I am not thinking about you and sending you BIG hugs! Call me already, will ya? <3

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