Month: March 2011

Mandi and Goliath

It’s been a tough couple of weeks here at the Deputy household.  Wait, strike that.  It’s been a very tough couple of months here.  There is something about blogging when you feel as though the world is crumbling at your feet.  You just don’t have it in you to put on that happy face you know others are expecting.  You don’t want to go into your troubles because, quite frankly, you don’t want to come across as weak or be thought of as a downer.  People don’t come back to blogs if they feel like the Emotional Monster has come to claim their soul.  Nope.  So I’ve somewhat tried to deal with my trials as best I can on my own (with hints on FB just becuase I’ve needed to get it out every now and again)  I give facts of our situation to people who ask, but very few have seen me as raw as I feel.

I’ve come to realize that while many people are struggling right now in many areas of their lives (in much more serious ways than I am) that I can’t compare what I am going through to them.  It just isn’t the same.  We’re different people that are wired differently so even if we have the exact same struggle, we still won’t be able to know how each other is feeling. But we can listen and be there for each other.  Let the tears come and accept one another as we are.  Sometimes words aren’t necessary (sometimes they do more harm) but a hug, a smile, and a gentle nod of the head letting someone know you are there is all it takes to keep a troubled soul in the fighting ring rather than throwing in the towel.  I can say that right now I am doing the best that I can.  Not as well as some would like me to be doing, but I feel like I’m doing okay.   And you know what gets me through?  My family.  My friends.  My *true* friends who can listen to my hurt without turning it around and making it about them so that I have one more thing to stress about.  Prayer.  Mine, my family’s, people who know us and love us, and those from complete strangers.    There is one set of footprints in the sand right now, and I am so very grateful for that other pair.

Thank you.  For your thoughts, your messages, your prayers, and your strength because all too often it is YOUR strength that I feed off of.  I have just been in too dark a place to be able to find my own.  I hope that things continue to get better here and that I will find peace again.  “cause the pain you’ve been feeling, can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.”  I just have to try to hold on for a little while longer.